Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
