I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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