Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
