I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
