i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
operation have a gay friend backfired
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
