I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
