come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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