My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
