Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it because I queefed?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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