Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
