Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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