I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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