you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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