How'd it feel making her break her religion?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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