My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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