So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize