you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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