hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
