Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
