So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
