i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
