I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
