So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
