i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
