hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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