can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
