dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
