Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
