Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
