Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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