My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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