If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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