Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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