Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
