need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
