That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
