I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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