I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
