Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
