Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
