I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The uberlube is also flammable
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
