Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
