you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
