life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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