His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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