Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize