bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
