My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
