she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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