If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
