even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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