How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
