4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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