i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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