Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
