this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
