I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
