If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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