I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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