So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There r osticjed everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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