you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would fuck him just for his dog
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
