I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
