we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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