we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
