Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
