Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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